Hidden desire

A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said ” you look cute.. I like you.”…. The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said “My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Pls go home and study hard so that you can have a successful life.”
He then placed a piece of paper on her hand and said ” I have written some words of wisdom and bible verses for you. Read them before you go to sleep.” And then he walked away.

The girl went back to her hostel in shame and before she slept she opened up the paper and read thus: “Are you blind? My wife was standing behind me. Any way, this is my number. Call me anytime…… By the way, I like you too!”

Blonds in Bar

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.” “Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us are blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Marriage Jokes

Intelligent Husband
.
Wife was busy in packing her clothes.
.
Husband – Where are you going ?
.
Wife – I’m moving to my mother.
.
Husband also starts packing his clothes.
.
Wife – Now where are you going ?
.
Husband – I’m also moving to my mother.
.
Wife – And what about the kids ?
.
Husband – Well I guess … If you are moving to your mother and I’m moving to my mother … They should move to their mother.
.
Clothes unpacked

================================================================================================

Wife : “why are u home so early?”

Hubby : “My boss said go to hell!”

================================================================================================

No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because, there is always a
better model in neighborhood

================================================================================================

Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:

All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen of them.

================================================================================================

Q – Why can’t Women Drive well? ?
Ans – Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them..

================================================================================================

Q – How to save a Dying Woman?

Ans – Tell her about a 90% Sale going on somewhere..

================================================================================================

Q – If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans – Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day..

================================================================================================

The woman who invented the phrase …
“All men are the same”
was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.

================================================================================================

There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened….

================================================================================================

Wives are magicians……..

They can change anything into an argument.

================================================================================================

Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don’t have a wife!

================================================================================================

Create Yourself

I didn’t complete my University..”– Bill Gates

“I Stitched Shoes in childhood..”– Abraham Lincoln

“I was the one who served in Hotels..”Oberoi

“I was Conductor..”– Rajnikanth

“I worked at Petrol Pump..”– Dhirubhai Ambani

“I Failed in class 10th..”– Sachin Tendulkar

“I was a Drop out n Keyboard Player..”– A.R.Rahman

“I Slept on a Bench & borrowed Rs 20 everyday from friend to travel to filmcity..”– Shahrukh Khan

“I used to serve Tea to support my Football Training..”– Lionél Messi

Life isn’t about finding yourself

Life is about creating yourself.

Some Brain Teasers

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking… Just Check It Out! 
Scroll down slowly.Think like a wizard;    

      man

1. ————

     board

Ans. = man onboard
Okay, let’s see if you’ve got the hang of it.  

       

      stand

2. ————

        i  

Ans. = I understand
OK…

Got the drift? Let’s try a few now and see how you perform?
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

      R

4. Road

      A

      D

Ans. = cross road 

Not having a good day now, are you? 

Redeem yourself.

5. cyclecyclecycle

Ans. = tricycle
Easy to figure out, ha!!! 

          0

6. _________

    M.D.Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero (-2°)
C’mon give it a little thought !!!

      knee

7. ————

      light

Ans. = neon light ( knee – on – light )

I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting this one.
    ground

8. —————

feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

Good One, try this!!! 
9. he’s / himself

Ans. = he’s by himself 
Here’s an easy one!!
10. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance
Not even close ??? !!! 

11. death ….. life

Ans. = Life after Death
Okay last chance .

12. THINK

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is very funny- – –

13. Ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb…
               

                                                                                        

                                                                              Ans. = long time no ‘C’

😜😜😜

Dedicated to intelligent lovely People

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Pilot’s Problems and Engineer’s Solutions!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Cockpit filthy, not fit for pigs !!!
S: Cockpit cleaned, now fit for pigs !!

Dream Job of Every Spider

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