Text Jokes

Hidden desire

A girl at a bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation went to him and said ” you look cute.. I like you.”…. The man out of shock simply placed his hand on her shoulder and said “My dear, this love and infatuation are all nothing. You are too young to be behaving like this. Pls go home and study hard so that you can have a successful life.”
He then placed a piece of paper on her hand and said ” I have written some words of wisdom and bible verses for you. Read them before you go to sleep.” And then he walked away.

The girl went back to her hostel in shame and before she slept she opened up the paper and read thus: “Are you blind? My wife was standing behind me. Any way, this is my number. Call me anytime…… By the way, I like you too!”

Blonds in Bar

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.” “Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us are blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Pilot’s Problems and Engineer’s Solutions!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: Cockpit filthy, not fit for pigs !!!
S: Cockpit cleaned, now fit for pigs !!

Doctor Vs Lawyer

A Doctor can’t find a job in any reputable hospital,so he opens a clinic near the law courts and puts a sign:”Get treatment for $20, if not cured, will give you $100.”
A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and turns up at the clinic. Lawyer:”doctor,i’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor:”Nurse,please bring me medicine from box 22 and put three drops in this patient”s mouth.” Lawyer:”This is kerosene.”
Doctor:congratulations sir, your sense of taste is restored. That will be $20 thank you.

The lawyer furious, and after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer:”i’ve lost my memory.i can’t remember anything.”
Doctor:”Nurse, please bring me the medicine from box 22 and put three drops in this patient’s mouth.”
Lawyer:”This is kerosene.You gave this to me last time.”
Doctor:”congratulations again sir.You regained your memory. That will be $20 thank you.”

The lawyer is fuming, but returns a week later determined to collect $100.
Lawyer:”My eyesight has become incredibly weak and i can hardly see anything.”
Doctor:”Sir, i don’t have any medicine for that,so please accept this $100 note.
Lawyer:”but this is $20, not $100″
Doctor:”congratulations sir, your eyesight is fully restored. That will be $20 thank you.”

Son wants to become a king

5 year old son…..after reading story of a king…..
Son:……Mom, I also want 5 wives…..one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…….
Mom:….And one will put you to sleep
Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you
Mom’s eyes filled up with tears … God bless you son 
Mom:…but who will sleep with your 5 wives
Son…Let them sleep with daddy
Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears… God bless you son !

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

No mercy for Politicians 

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.
The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. “So you buried all the politicians?” asked the police officer. “Were they all dead?”
The farmer answered, “Some said they weren’t, but you know how politicians lie.”

boss is not always right

In a factory: A man standing on the floor, not doing any work and looking aimlessly……
CEO of that factory came and asked his salary…
Man replied “5000 sir”
CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him…
“I pay people here to work and not to waste time, This is your 3 months salary.

Now get out of here. Never come back”
That guy left………….

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Then CEO asked workers “Who was that guy?”
Workers replied “Pizza delivery Boy Sir”..

😜😂😇😆😃😅😂
Moral:Dont overreact in every situation.

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